Yesterday morning I woke up and felt paralyzed.
Something that I learned recently about myself is that I have a bit of an addictive personality. This may sound funny but it came to mind when I discovered the skittles gummies in the bodega down the street. From cookies to weed to bibibop, I have gone down different interesting rabbit holes throughout my life.
My journey building FITS over the last year has been aligned with that. I am not sure if its an addictive thing but it definitely is intense for me at times. I have always wanted to run a company and build something that can change the world. I want it all now to be honest. There are times that I go over the smallest things in my head over and over. It gets to the point where I am up at night thinking about some random bullshit. But it's really not bullshit to me because it's what I like at this point.
Bruh I talk way too much about FITS, just ask my roomates. But it is genuinely because throughout the day that is where my mind wanders to. It doesn't matter if I am in my bedroom, in class, playing madden, or at the bar; sometimes the shit never stops.
It's not all that healthy.
Yesterday, I took a day off. I wanted to remove myself from everything FITS. I sat on the couch and watched first take. Went to the gym with miles. Then, luckily my brother had a state semifinal playoff game that I could look forward to and kill some time.
Seperating myself from my business is hard as fuck. Running a business is hard as fuck. I was going to tweet that yesterday but I didn't want to think about business.
Mental health is something that I don't talk about too much. I think mental health as a startup founder is something that I don't really hear about. I saw the other day some startup is trying to treat mental health like going to the gym.
I was reading the 5am club and the book explains that there are 4 interior empires that everyone must understand. Mindset, Healthset, Heartset and Soulset. Most people are in touch with their mindset which is your psychology and beliefs. Healthset is your physical and mental health. Being stressed, going to the gym, and eating healthy are a few different things that go into your healthset. Heartset is emotionality which is a very interesting thing for me. I am not naturally the most emotional person. I think ever since my last few basketball seasons and relationships back in high school, I haven't really tapped into that. I hope that this blog, my journal, and the feelings in the session podcast can be good outlets to express how I feel about things. Finally, Soulset which is who you sincerely are under the mask of your name or social mask. Journaling is something that I have found amazing. It is a time where I can be real with myself about my thoughts and feelings. As a safe space to truly express who I am.
FITS and the Power Struggle Movement have really given me peace and purpose. I have truly fallen in love with the process. Thinking, whiteboarding, creating, and solving problems feels better than anything. I am thankful to be able to progress my ideas and work on this business with an amazing group of people. However, these creations don't define me and I am going to work on finding other outlets and hobbies to have some more balance in my life.