The Business of The Heart
I never knew that to work on my business, I had to work on my heart.
For the last 3 years, I haven't felt much emotion. It was something that I was aware of but didn't think was a bad thing. I assumed that I was just cold-hearted.
A couple of months ago, I was reading Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The book immediately caught my attention when the first chapter was about the voice in your head. At the time, I completely identified with that voice. I thought that it was me and would follow any advice it would give me. I didn't realize that harm in what I was doing.
The voice in your head is not you. You are the one that is aware of that voice. Often times, our biggest problem is that we identify with that voice. We follow that voice's advice not knowing that, the voice simply likes to hear itself speak. It will take both sides of the same argument just so it doesn't have to quiet down. It will tell you to take the easy path, to hit the snooze button, that your legs are too sore to go to the gym, and that it doesn't see a future with that girl you just took out on a date. The moment it gets uncomfortable, it tells you to retreat.
For the next few days, just watch that voice in your head. Bedros Keuillan had a quote in his podcast the other day that had me dead, he said "Don't negotiate with your inner b*tch".
Now, back to the heart. I read this passage, "The heart controls the energy flow by opening and closing. This means that the heart, like a valve, can either allow the flow of energy to pass through, or it can restrict the flow of energy from passing through." Just like the mind, he said " You are not your heart. You are the expereincer of your heart."
After reading this, I began to watch my heart. I noticed that it was closed. That energy would often redirect off of it. I thought about why that would happen, why it would be closed. I started to feel the weight of the energy that had been building up in there for the last 3 years. The extra weight that I carried with me everywhere I went.
I learned that my heart closed to protect me. To shield me from the heartbreaks of my past. That it thought that it was doing the right thing. My heart had held onto so much energy that it was full, it couldn't take any more.
To stay alive, It had to let go.